Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Life After Scientology

I write a lot of negative things about Scientology on my blog. Primarily because one of the major things that contributed to my exiting the cult was my pent up anger against injustices I experienced.

Being in Scientology is much like being in an abusive relationship. Except instead of it being one on one, it's more like you are in a abusive relationship with Scientology itself. There are some good things and some bad things which come out of your relationship. At least it seems like there are some good things. The entire cycle runs in ups and downs.

The only way out of such a relationship is to do what seems almost unnatural to all of us. You have to focus on the negatives of the relationship. When you are at one of many of the peaks, instead of looking up at the sky and thinking that things will get better, you focus on that valley and remind yourself that this is going to turn bad very quickly.

That is how I found my way out. I became so negative that I hated Scientology and everything about it. I despised the ethics codes and the way that Scientologists treated me. I despised Scientology itself.

Slowly I started to focus on the positive parts of my life, which surprisingly did not come from Scientology. I started to feel the shackles of Scientology fall away from me. Around 2006, I started to spend more and more time with my friends, who were not judgmental towards me. I began to taste what real life is like for someone not shackled by a cult like Scientology.

Eventually I started to get better paying jobs and considering moving out, but my father fell ill and I held off on my plans.

By 2007 I had become friends with the people who would eventually take me in after I was disconnected from my family. Towards the end of 2011 I started to open up to my friend about my situation with Scientology and how I felt about it. She was very understanding.

In the beginning of 2012 I decided that I couldn't take it anymore and I wanted to speak out. I spoke with my friends and asked them if it came down to it, could I stay with them. By then they had been insisting that I move in with them as soon as possible to get away from the situation with my parents, so of course they said it was fine.

In February of 2012 I went online and posted my story on a message board. By April of 2012 the church had tracked me down and showed my parents. My parents showed up unexpectedly at a friend's house while I was helping them move. I knew what it was about already.

That night I moved in with the friends I had already planned the whole situation with. They let me live with them until September of 2012 when I got a better job and my own 1 bedroom place. I now live on my own.

In October of 2012 I started talk therapy. I was diagnosed with anxiety, PTSD and depression. In March of 2013 I was prescribed Zoloft and Ativan to treat my conditions. They are working exquisitely. I have felt amazing and have been able to start my healing process. In the meantime I have also quit smoking.

And Yes, my therapist assured me that it is the same PTSD that soldiers get returning from battle.

So as you can see, leaving Scientology and getting proper mental health has done more for me in a few months than Scientology ever did and I was raised in it for 20 years.