Monday, October 15, 2012



I have been asked many times to write a book about my experiences and understanding of the religious practices and principles of Dianetics and Scientology.

At 6 years old I was put into a class to study the religion of Scientology. They have different books which you read that serve to teach you how to absorb the religion properly. They essentially modify a child's thought process to make it easier to absorb the religious philosophies and practices laid out by the leader L. Ron Hubbard. The same courses exist for adults.

This was after my father had become involved in a group called WISE which is short for World Institute of Scientology Enterprises. They are a front group which teaches business owners the business management principles that were laid out by Hubbard so they can use them in their own business.

After we had been in Scientology for a while and I had done children's courses I was enrolled in a course, when I was around 12 or 13 years old called the "Personal Efficiency Course". As with everything in Scientology it sounded awesome on the outside. It was promoted as a course to improve your proficiency in your personal life.

However I became indoctrinated in a little spoken about side of Scientology known as "Ethics". Scientology believes the source of all your problems is essentially bad things you have done that you have failed to confess. In Dianetics you are introduced to the idea that the reactive mind is the source of all your problems, but this is not true in Scientology.

Scientology is confession heavy. They document every confession that you make. Virtually every session inside a large organization is video taped through hidden cameras and microphones. They promote it as the "look-in" system so that someone can check in on you to make sure that you are doing the procedures correctly.

Towards the end of my course I had to do what is called an "O/W Write-Up". This is basically a confessional where you write down bad things you have done and you give them to someone to read. In my case it was the person in charge of my training called a "Supervisor". In Scientology bad things you have done are called "overts" and things you have kept secret are called "withholds". This can be any secret, not just a naughty one.

So here I am 12 or 13 years old and I have to confess my sins to some guy I hardly know by writing them down on a piece of paper. Most of them I would not be ashamed to admit today, but as a child in a religious household, you can imagine how embarrassed I was. These things would be revealed to my parents!

Luckily I dodged the real issue at hand which was that I was gay. I can't imagine how much that would have ruined me had it come out at that age. I spent most of my preteen life hiding it from people. Until I was about 18 years old. Scientology is inherently homophobic.

My homosexuality eventually resulted in me being kicked out of the Church's "elite corps" of workers known as the Sea Org. I ended up having an affair with a roommate and we were caught late one night by another one of our roommates. I was 17 years old, a few months from being 18. I was dragged into their "ethics" department because the roommate that had caught us had written a report on the incident.

I was eventually pressured into confessing to my perceived crimes against the Sea Org in front of an Ethics Officer, which is the Church of Scientology equivalent to a police officer. At this time I was in Florida and my home was in Los Angeles. So I was sent back to Los Angeles, made to endure more confessionals and eventually kicked out of the Sea Org by a committee of people.

They left in my hand a paper recommending Scientology counseling that was promised to cure my gayness and return me to a normal straight life so I may one day rejoin their elite group.

Later on, because of my disagreements with the Church and my inability to keep my mouth shut I was eventually "shunned" or disconnected from my immediate family which consists of my Father, Mother, Brother and Sister. I regret the conditions in which this happened and I miss my family dearly. My Father challenged my integrity for posting anonymously which inspired me to go public with my story on The Village Voice blog "Runnin' Scared".

I have no interest in ever reconciling with the Church. As long as my parents are Scientologists the Church will stand between us and I will never have a relationship with them like I did when I was a child. 

My inspiration to write this story has come from the therapeutic nature of sharing my experiences and from others who have pushed me during my time commenting on The Village Voice blog "Runnin' Scared". It also comes from the hope that one day my parents may read my story and see things from my point of view instead of just the point of view that the Church of Scientology has given them.

This story will be filled with my hopes and regrets, laughs and tears, highs and lows, ups and downs. I can only hope that it will be as enjoyable for you to read it as it is for me to tell it. I will try to keep the events a sequential as possible.

I also suffer from some lost memories. In time I have regained some. Should this happen during the course of telling this story I will go back and make the necessary updates.

-- Derek Bloch

In Memory of Brenda Singer -- my late aunt
I love you and I miss you.


  1. Beautiful Derek <3 I am so proud of you for finally putting your story out there for all to read. Please continue to write, your story is so compelling.
    Much love to you,
    PeggyToo (from VV)

    P.S. Tony O has a new blog. Come join us at "The Underground Bunker"

  2. Great job Derek! I can't wait to read the rest of your story. You are a brave man.

  3. Wonderful start, Derek. You're writing from the heart, which is where the only great writing comes from.

    You will surely help many more people with your memories. Your pals from VV are here to cheer you on.

  4. Derek~

    It amazes me the level of insight and maturity you have given your upbringing and indoctrination. It takes a very courageous soul to step away from the only life he's ever known and all of the humans in that life. I hope your family finds their way out and that you're able to reconnect at some point in the not too distant future. In the meantime, I hope you continue to work through these issues and to be a light for others looking to make a similar break. Your VV supporters will be here to provide encouragement and perhaps some comic relief.


    Sea Cricket (aka Moxon Moxoff aka Moxie)

  5. Great stuff Derek. Keep writing it and I'll keep reading it.

  6. I'm so proud of you for starting your story and I can't wait to read the whole thing! How cathartic for you!

  7. So glad you're doing this, Derek..You really do have amazing insight into people and why they do the things they do.. I know that from reading your comments for the past few months.. You also have a greeeaaat sense of humor with a killer sense of snark.. I lovvvvvvve that about you.. Can't wait to read your take on all things scientological..

    And I know I'm a pest, but I really wanna push for you to link your blog to PayPal so that you can accept starving artist contributions.. As you proceed, people are going to want to help.. I know that growing up scientologist, it might feel odd to let people help you, but DO IT!!

  8. So happy to see that you have commenced on this journey, Derek. Yours is an important story to tell, and especially because you are able to shed so much light on the dark recesses of scientology that cause so many of us who have never been "in" to scratch our heads in confused amazement.
    Because you wish for it, may your father, and/or mother and/or siblings one day be sane enough to find their way back into your life, so long as they come from a place of unconditional love. The compassion and forgiveness you express toward them, one and all, says a great deal about the depth of your personal strength and integrity.
    Looking forward to reading more.
    One of the many people out in the world who would be proud to call you "family".

  9. Thanks everyone for the supportive comments. I know the posts are slow coming, but they should be more frequent as I get into the swing of things.


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